Wow, I suck at Blogging

I keep meaning to write a post and then I get distracted or something comes up.  Sorry it has been a while since I have posted.  I promise to try to do better.  So what have I been doing?  You know, just sitting over her growing a human.  Yep, you read that right, we are almost 16 weeks pregnant!!

We would like to announce that we 

are adding another 

Player to the Flores Team

Opening Game January 2015

We are pretty excited. Keeping it a secret the first 12 weeks was hard as heck.  We told family and close friends in the beginning.  Of course in true Suzi fashion, this has not been an easy pregnancy.  I have had some complications and because I them I have not been able to workout.  Of course I want nothing more than to have a happy and healthy baby, but it is really starting to drive me crazy.  I need to sweat!! I have been working out 4-5 days a week for the past two years, so to suddenly stop is hard. 

I go in this week for another check-up (I have had so many) so hopefully things will look good and I will be able to go back to the gym and workout again.  I know I won't be able to lift like I was, but anything is better than what I am doing now.  Which has been a whole lot of  nothing sprinkled in with some walking. I have had no motivation to cook, poor Lido.  He is trying to be all healthy and I don't want to cook.  I am starting to get some motivation back so hopefully that means I can put some time in the kitchen again. 

The weight gain has been difficult, but I know it is necessary. I am up about 7 pounds now, but there not much I can do about it.  We want this little one to grow and be healthy.  Not that I haven't enjoyed not counting every calories.  I figure I will just have to work my butt off after the baby comes to get back in tip top shape. 

I am starting to plan the nursery.  Since we aren't finding out what we are having it makes it a little hard, but I think I finally can up with the perfect theme.  More to come on that later.  I can't reveal everything in one posting.  Since we aren't finding out what we are having, we will have to narrow the names down to two boy names and two girl names and then pick one at the hospital on the day our baby is born.  

For the most part my MS has been pretty quiet, which is expected during pregnancy.  I will have to right back on my medication when the baby is born.  There shouldn't be any issues with breastfeeding, which I am happy about.  

Both of our families are ecstatic.  I think they had all given up hope on the two of us ever having a baby. Of course they all want us to find out what we are having, but nope, we won't be finding out.  I mean if one of the techs accidentally tells us, I won't be heartbroken. HA! 

Well that is the update for now, more to come soon.  I hope all is well with everyone!

Finally Ready to Post

I know I have been MIA, again, but there has been so much going on that I just haven't known what to say.  But I am back and ready to share with all of you again. This is actually the 2nd time I am writing this post.  I started the first and then stopped. I am ready now to get back

Let's start with why I disappeared in the first place.  As most know by now, we found out we were pregnant on February 3rd.  We were both very excited about the addition to our family.  When we went in for the 9 week check up, we learned that our baby was measuring small and they couldn't find the heartbeat.  After a 2nd opinion it was confirmed that the baby stopped growing somewhere between 6 and 7 weeks. I ended up having to get a D & C on March 21st, as I am sure you can imagine this was a very tough process for us.

So where have I been this entire time?  Well, I have been trying to find my motivation again.  To be open and honest with all of you (if anyone reads this) I went on a cupcake binge.  My co-workers and friends know how much I love cupcakes and I received and bought many.  I was going to Train Insane, but I wasn't giving it the usual 100% effort.

I wouldn't say I was depressed, but I felt like a piece of me was missing.  For the first two weeks after the procedure, I would wake up every morning and have to re-remind myself I wasn't pregnant anymore.  I realized how much I really wanted our baby and connected with it so quickly that I felt empty now that I wasn't pregnant anymore.  I had complained the first 9 weeks about being pregnant and falling behind in class and not lifting as heavy as I usually did and now all I wished for was to pregnant again.  Going through this really put me through a mind screw. I just didn't feel the same passion for being healthy and working out.

A few weeks went by and I knew I had to snap out of it.  We were going to try again, I knew I would have my baby.  It just meant that I wasn't meant to have that baby.  Who knows why it wasn't strong enough, but it wasn't.  Eating cupcakes and working out half ass wasn't going to change the past and it wasn't going to prepare me to get pregnant again. I had an amazing support system with friends and family and I wouldn't of gotten through all it without them, but at this point it was all on me.  I am stronger than I was acting. Although I really never cried through the whole process, it wasn't easy.  I ended up having a talk with my Coach about how I just wasn't myself.  He brought up the fact that I seemed disconnected and just not the same in the gym.  I was finally honest about losing my motivation and dedication and he said he understood.  I think just putting it out there and telling him where I was coming from helped.  I explained to him that I no longer felt the same, I had been so used to being part of a certain group in the gym and I just didn't feel like I was there anymore.  I had lost my place.

After that conversation it all changed.  I got back on my food plan (for the most part) and started really focusing in the gym.  There was a newer gym member one morning who told me that she always watched me in class and that I was really strong, I don't know why, but this really meant a lot to me.  I look up to so many people at my gym that I forget there might be someone watching me.  I didn't want to set a bad example when I knew that wasn't the person I was.

My new goal?  Get pregnant again and stay as healthy as possible during my pregnancy.  I still want to be at the gym 4-5 days a week, I still want to eat healthy throughout my pregnancy(although I lost 10 pounds last time). I want to be the person that people look up to for being healthy and fit during their pregnancy.  However, this time, I will make sure I am cautious and don't over analyze anything.  I don't want to be too critical when I slow down in metcons, I will be proud that I am still waking up at 5:15 each morning and getting my butt to the gym.  I would love to have a photo shoot done during my pregnancy that shows my fit prego body and then have one done after the baby is born to show you can have a rocking body after a baby. There are so many hot moms at Train Insane, that is the new group that I hope to fit into in the future.

I have learned from this heartbreaking experience.  I was not alone and that helped a lot.  There have been so many other wonderful and strong women who have gone through losing a baby and they recovered.  I know I am strong and I will get there, but until then, I have put down the cupcakes and I am focused on lifting heavy shit!!! LOL, or at least heavy for me.

As always, thank you for reading my ramblings.  It is about time I got back on here, it keeps me accountable and honest not just with you but with myself.

I Survived

Well it has been a week since the Surf City Half Marathon in Huntington Beach.  I was very happy when the race was done.  I don't think I could of gotten through it as strong as I did with out my good running friend Jake!!  He kept me focused and moving.

Thank you Jake!! (he was this happy throughout the entire race)

 

So the race started late, which wasn't good since I was really nervous and in and out of the bathroom all morning (sorry TMI). I always get nervous before races, but I was even more so this time because Jake was trying to pace me for a goal time of 2:15. The race finally started after hanging out in the tent for a while and at the starting line for a while. 

 

Jake and I took off and right away he had to pull me back and tell me to slow down.  I tried to focus on my breathing, but right away within the first mile I could start to feel my side start to hurt a bit.  I just kept my eyes on Jake and stayed somewhat behind him.  Jake did a great job of keeping me in his sights and not letting me fall too far behind.

 

You can see my yellow shoes behind Jake here

Another one with me following his lead

 

As soon as we got to the first set of Port O Potties I had to pee.  I don't usually have to pee during races, but I think my nerves were getting to me.  We had a quick Pee stop and we were on our way.  I got a little extra burst of energy heading into mile 4.  I think knowing the course as well as I do, helped a lot.  We got to the hill and walked up it at a nice quick pace.  Once we got to the down hill we were cruising again.  Jake had us walk through the water stations, which was actually a nice break, I usually try not to walk, but I think it really helped this time. 

 

We made our turn back onto PCH and I was starting to get into my head.  I was thinking about how I was already tired and we weren't even half way through yet.  At that moment Jake turned around and said "I don't know what you are thinking, but get out of your head".  Right away I stopped thinking negative and just focused more on Jake.  Whatever Jake did, I did.  If he shook out his arms, I shook out my arms.  If he punched his quads, I punched my quads.  I just went into robot mode and followed him.  I was able to stay in this zone up to mile 11. 

 

At mile 11 I hit another wall.  I was done running and I was ready to slow down.  I hadn't gotten mad at Jake this entire time, but he told me to pick it up.  I replied with, "I am giving you all I have, there is no more to give".  He didn't hear me so it was kind of useless to say anything.  I just kept running at this point and thought about the finish line.  I wanted to be at the end so bad at this point. I just had to focus and shut off my brain. 

 

We ended up finishing the race in 2:21, it wasn't 2:15, but it was the best time I have gotten on a half marathon to date.  I ended up with a 14 minute course PR and a 4 minute overall race PR.  I am happy with the time that we got.

 

I learned a few things too:

1. I should always run with someone who can pace me

2. I do better when I am just following someone and acting like a robot

3. When I stop thinking negatively and get out of my own head, I do better

4. I still don't like to run

 

I also learned I swing my arms way too much when I run, I need to work on this.



This was at the beginning of the race, but this is how I feel overall about the race. :)

 

I cannot thank Jake enough for going out and helping me get through this race with a PR!



New State of Mind

I am still here!! Sorry it has been so long since I have posted, I was running with my friend last night and he told me I really need to update my blog.  I didn't realize how long it has been.  I got the flu right at the start of the new year and that knocked me down for a little while, but I am back and ready to share.

This was me for about 2 weeks!!





So this is a new year and my focus is on continual improvement for myself.  I want to improve in many so many ways.  Of course I want to continue to get stronger, faster, and healthier.  But, one of my major goals outside of the usual goals is to be a positive person.

I am surrounded by so many positive people and I just feel better when I am around them.  They make me want to be just as positive as they are. 

I was running with a good friend of mine last night, he and I are running a half marathon on Sunday (along with the hubs and other friends).  He is going to try to pace me to run the race in 2:15, this would be a big PR for me, but I asked him to help me.  Well, we started our run and right away my mind started to think about how we were running too fast, that I can't keep this pace forever and that there is no way I could do this for 13.1 miles.  I kept yelling at my friend that I couldn't do it, but he just kept saying yes you can and don't think about it. Well those of you who really know me, know that I am an over thinker.  So he must be joking to tell me not to think about.  My running has become so mental that I don't just trust that my body can do it.

Well we made it through the run, huge hills and all.  I did fall once, tripped right over a part of the sidewalk that was raised, totally landed on my hands and knees.  Two minutes before that I was even thinking that I should fake trip so that I could slow down. I will never think that again.  This poor lady was right next to me when I fell and she was so startled and worried. HA HA, little does know, I am a professional klutz.

Best part of the night was when we had to rush to Starbucks to use the bathroom because we both had to pee so bad.  I thought I was going to have to go behind a bush in Yorba Linda and then be arrested for indecent exposure.

Anyways, as we were driving to our next stop, I tried to talk my friend into changing our goal time for Sunday to 2:20, I mean this sounded a little more reasonable to me.  He isn't having it.  He said to not think about it and just follow him.

I swear this is how he runs, so much energy and so happy (I secretly love this about him)

When I got home and was cooking my dinner I thought about what we discussed and what was a head of me. 

There were two things he told me:

1. a mile is just and f-ing mile, there is nothing glamorous about it. It is not easy, but you get through it and move on to the next one. In that mile you doubt yourself, find yourself, push yourself and enjoy yourself

2. Just throw up and then get going again (I told him this once)

Basically, stop thinking about it and just get the shit done.  It's not like I haven't ran 14 other Half Marathons before. It's not like I  can't do it, so just don't think about it.  I just need to go out there on Sunday, follow my friend and stop thinking.  I am my worst enemy and I need to learn how to be my best supporter (in all things).

Stay tuned!!!

There will be more of these beauties on Sunday!!