I met with my trainer on Monday to have a food meeting and goal setting. These meetings tend to always be the same, my food is pretty good, I don't see much change lately, what can I do more. Well, this time I told him that I wasn't always eating all my calories and when I told him there are days that I am about 400 calories short he was not happy. I had told him my weight on the scale was up and I think we need to lower my calories. He said how can he determine if that is an issue if I am not even eating what I am supposed to. We then talked about how it is hard for me to hit my fat. At the end of the meeting I said I would hit my numbers and we would talk again in a couple of weeks.
I have been really focused on hitting my numbers since Monday and I am feeling pretty good. I am trying hard to stay off the scale since that is my enemy. I am trying to listen to my body and see how it feels. After a few days of hitting all my numbers and cutting back on the extra cardio, I am feeling strong. I had an awesome workout this morning. It was hard and challenging, but I got it done and had a pretty good time too. I guess yet again I have to declare that my trainer/coach knows what he is talking about. I am interested to see what my measurements look like next time I do them.
This self doubt is a never ending cycle. It amazes me that we can't see ourselves the way others see us. I do get a lot of compliments, but I only see the things that I want to fix. I work my butt off in the gym and I work hard to keep our food healthy, but nothing is ever fast enough for me. I have lost lots of weight and I should be happy, but there is always more to be done. I sometimes wonder if there will ever be a time when I can look in the mirror and not just look at the things I want to fix. When do you stop being such teenage self conscious girls?
I guess life is just a bunch of baby steps. I do love the journey though. Below is a picture to give you a little idea of my journey so far.
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